Another delayed update….After a draining sem, I finally got my grades and, yoohoo, DL ako. :D (Laging sablay dati, umabot na siya ngayon.). As usual, enrollment was hell. This break, I’ve been spending most of my nights in PETA. After a whirlwind turn of events and unexpected phone calls, I found myself joining their workshop. I feel like I’m in fast forward mode these days, or perhaps just unprepared for sharp turns in the road. Anyway, I’m having fun (Ang sarap ng jinggoy!!!) . Our graduation piece will be held on Sunday: Mariang Aliw, a story of 13 prostitutes in a dark space along Q. Ave. I play the role of a deaf-mute prostitute. I started to familiarize myself with sign language; now I’m thinking about studying it seriously. Thank you to Dokito and Atty. Siquijor for the help.

As part of our research, we picked up a girl along Quezon Ave. this morning. She looked….normal, most of the girls along the curb looked like teenagers calling out for cabs after their gimmick. The one we got agreed to be interviewed for 200 pesos, for half an hour. She looked really drained, her voice made hoarse by her experiences. She has 5 kids from 4 different guys, and they think she works in a call center. We took turns in asking questions, when we can’t think of one the silence inside the car was stifling. It’s like without anyone saying anything, shame, in our part mostly, became so imminent in the cramped space—women in the presence of another woman who admittedly strips off dignity in the name of money. Parang nakakhiya, bilang kapwa babae, na alam namin yung kalagayan niya pero inuuusisa pa namin ng mas malalim yung hirap niya. It was dark inside the car but the most distinct thing I remember was her eyes. It looked dead, lifeless. Maybe they were alive but it’s like a veil of hopelessness glazed over the surface. She kept saying “Mahirap ang trabaho namin”. I know they don’t want sympathy but acceptance yet I really pity her. When she got off the car, everyone felt the same, ang bigat ng feeling. Maybe it’s wrong, but I really wished she would be picked up by a customer that night so her kids get a good meal the day after.

Madaling maging mapanghusga at mandiri sa iba, pero mas mahirap lunukin ang kahit anong labag sa loob mo para lang mabuhay ng matino. “They hate their lives because they love it so much. “