And I'd chastise myself forever for doing so.
Some weeks ago, our Production Manager offered me two continuity jobs after current project's [HL] completion. "Kalimutan mo na pagpi-PM...Oo, dinidiktahan ko na career mo", she tells me jovially. Projects consist of one indie and one mainstream. The former is a full-length to be directed by the wonderful Mr. O' Hara. I drooled just thinking about it. The other night, I was offered by a senior, Ate Pam, to be an associate producer for the same film.Taray.
It seems too good to be true. But it is true.
Too good to just be given in the best conditions though.
Here's the f*cking catch, it starts on the 8th. And [HL] has been extended indefinitely.
What to do what to do what to do?
A. Give [HL] the middle finger and make a run for the next project (as continuity)
B. Finish shooting and just excuse myself from post-prod
C. Be an AP and do things at the same time.
Last night was a series of advice-soliciting rendezvous. The PM told me I was better off doing creative jobs and I could get in a fix dealing with money. She could refer me as Continuity but I have to leave [HL]. Ate Pam told me to go with the AP job, stay in current project only til last shooting day since it's not my fault it was extended. Dialogue with friends (Kai, Edge, Joe, Jmee) brought double-bladed solutions and reiterated the answer I think I've always had but could not bring myself to accept.
So...Why let go of the wonderful Mr.O'hara?
A dialogue by Dokito and Me
(so excuse the inconsistency in language and style, sagutan eh)
1. It’s against my principles to leave commitments unfinished.
M: E KUNG PAGSASABAYIN?
K: You can't give your 100% doing both things simultaneously, therefore not your full commitment.
M: Bakit pa kasi maayos ang pagpapalaki satin? Yung mga barubal they get what they want when they want it, never minding how.
2. You'll be boxed in production management jobs.
M: Which is not entirely bad.
K: Pero hindi yung gusto mong kalakihan na career.
M: Hindi ba?
3. Pinalaki ako sa creatives.
M: Kaya ko to at kaya kong matutuan ito...
K: Pero indie film to, may budget constraints, hindi mo masasalo problema nila
M: Pero kaya ka nga mag-aayos ng budget eh
K: Hello? Remember AA? Pag may kulang na props, masking, whatever ikaw nagbabayad diba? Hindi mo pwede gawin dito yun
M: Eh aayusin nga
K: Eh yung mukhang ihaharap mo. Pag may problema, magagawan ng paraan pero baka mapahiya ka.
4. Kahit hindi sila (current group) kasinlaki ni Mario O’Hara--M: It’s MARIO O’HARA! --gusto ka nila, mairerefer ka nila for the next films.
5. Liliit ang mundo ko pag may nasaring akong tao.
K: Passion ang nagpapagalaw sa mga tao sa field na yan, hahayaan mo bang may maapakan ka?
6. There are other marioohara's...
M: but IT'S MARIO O’HARA!!! There's only one marioohara.
K: —It’s a name, parehong industriya, parehong gumagawa ng pelikula, it’s just work.
It took me another 5 minutes to compose the message of rejection and another 5 to force myself to send it. Kai said that I should be proud to have done the dissing and stuck to my principles, it's class. So there. Fate is kind to have blessed me with such an option, but it's timing can be a real bitch sometimes. This got me thinking, if the chance came but you can't really take it then is it even valid to call it fated? Or just fated to be rejected?
Maybe we give too much credit to fate, as we do with other mystical whatever we use as metaphors/guides for our lives. Maybe all it does is give you moments of decision-making that test your character and what you'll be. Gives a platform for you to make yourself. No matter how weird/ridiculous/wonderful the options it throws your way.
It's not a regret, it's a decision.
